The Will Rogers of the Mountains

Will Rogers, the great American humorist, political satirist, champion cow-roper, and star of stage and screen, charmed America during some of her darkest days with his homespun sense of humor and ability to see through the smoke and mirrors to find the truth.  One of his most popular quotes was, “I never met a man I didn’t like.”  Will Rogers is a favorite in our family.  My brother even played him onstage, and toured as Will in THE WILL ROGERS FOLLIES all over the country for years.  In my family, we have had our own Will Rogers, who sees humor in every situation, and sums up each one with a quotable quip that can always diffuse the drama. I can say with certainty, that I have never known a man who didn’t like HIM.

My Daddy, now 93, was born in his family’s little farm house in Madison County, North Carolina, on April 12, 1925.  His daddy, Dillard, was a carpenter and farmer.  Everyone who knew Granddaddy called him “Whistling Dillard.”  He was a man of few words, but always had a smile on his face and a whistle on his lips.  Daddy’s mother, Bessie, loved children, animals of every kind, and Jesus.  Grandmama had the sweet ability to see the world through her grandchildren’s eyes.  She was so much fun when we went to their house to stay – we would all lie on our stomachs on her green chenille-covered feather bed, watch Grandaddy working out in the field, and listen to her tell stories – about my daddy and his older brother, about family, and about how much God loves us.  She made every Bible story come to life, and loved us more than anything.

One of Grandmama’s most memorable stories, and one we begged her to tell us again and again, was the story of Daddy’s name – Dawn Alonzo Edwards.  What a name to pin to a poor baby!  But back then, nobody, boy or girl, was named Dawn.  And Alonzo was a common name in that neck of the woods, often shortened to Lonnie.  Daddy hated both, Dawn AND Alonzo!  He has always said there are so many lovely names in the family – why was he stuck with Dawn?  But when I remember Grandmama’s story, everything makes sense.  The day before Daddy was born, Grandmama was in labor in her own bed, and it was a long, excruciating wait.  There was no assurance out in the country in 1925 that either mother or baby would survive. Of course, there were no drugs to ease the pain, and she told us that after an arduous day, she finally passed out.  When she awoke, the pain was gone.  As she looked out at the gorgeous sunrise though the curtains, Grandaddy came in and told her it was Easter Sunday, her favorite day of the year. And when they brought her newborn baby boy to her, without hesitation, she named him Dawn.

With a name like that, and growing up on a farm during the Depression, Daddy developed into a strapping powerhouse.  He is crackerjack smart, and is absolutely the strongest man I have ever known.  Nobody messed with him, but because of his easy-going humor, nobody wanted to. He walked many miles to school and back, helped hand tobacco, milk cows, smoke meat, plow the fields behind the family mule, and helped Grandaddy plant and harvest a huge garden, which meant that even in hard times, the family always had plenty of food to eat.  He also watched out for his older brother James, who was sickly, so was held back and put in Daddy’s class in school. Daddy says they never thought they were poor.  They were happy and loved.  One thing Daddy and his brother always enjoyed was music. They learned to sing in their little country church, with an ‘Amen’ corner, a fiery preacher, lots of dinners on the lawn after services, and hymns that everyone knew by heart.  Uncle James played piano, and Daddy – well, he has always been able to pick up just about any stringed instrument – guitar, fiddle, dulcimer, mandolin –  and teach himself to play it.  He also plays a mean harmonica!  And, wow, could they SING!  Daddy tells of a fun time when he, Uncle James, and a couple of cousins were asked to come sing for a folk festival in Asheville – the big city!  Daddy was so young, he had to stand on an apple crate to reach the microphone.

Daddy has a quick wit, and an abundance of “horse sense.”  We have so many artistic people in our family, sometimes things can get a bit dramatic.  Daddy is always the one who sits back, lets the rest of us go crazy, and then sums up the situation with one choice zinger, which makes the tension evaporate instantly. Then laughter follows. Daddy has said so many cute, funny, to-the-point quips through the years, folks always ask me if I am writing them down.  Here are just a few choice tidbits:

One of my favorites, said after Daddy had met a man who was trying too hard to impress:  “I’d like to buy that feller for what he’s worth, and sell him for what he THINKS he’s worth.”

On believing in yourself:  “He who doth not toot his own horn, the same goeth untooted.”

“Plain old common sense is not so common any more.”

“Gal, those pants are so tight, if you put a nickel in your back pocket, we could read whether it was heads or tails.”

While sitting on a bench in the mall:  “Honey, try not to stare.  Her stretch pants have no choice.”

Again, while people-watching:  “That rear view looks like two cub bears wrestling in a tow sack.”

In a crowded mall at Christmastime, when my mother asked if he would recognize me:  “Of course. I’d know her hide in a tan yard.”

“Gal, that skirt needs to be a little longer.  You don’t want to go around showing your personality.”

“Did you hear about the woman who backed into the airplane propeller?  Disaster.”

“Know how to catch a polar bear?  Cut a round hole in the ice. Pour a layer of peas all around the hole.  Wait.  When the polar bear walks up to take a pea, kick him in the ice hole.”  (Cue: my mother’s eye-rolling!)

When I was leaving for college:  “Make sure to LISTEN.  You never learn anything when you’re talking.”

And, probably my favorite piece of advice:  “It’s better to keep your mouth closed and have people THINK you’re a fool, than to open it and remove all doubt.”

Will Rogers, indeed.